Gratefuleness catch-up

I see that I am behind a few days in letting y'all know what little blessings I've been finding in my life. I discovered a few days late that my first post for some reason didn't get published, and then my week just got crazy . . . but here is the lowdown on what I discovered this week when I decided to be intentionally grateful. 

Tues. 

A random path in the woods that I found on my lunch break. My precious half hour outside each day!

Sometimes you just have to remind yourself . . . 

Pics do no justice . . . I was driving home from Kid's Club and saw this bank of clouds that was being lit up from the inside by lightning. So I raced home and drove out to the field to see if I could grab some pics . . . 

Wednesday . . . 

To be completely honest, Wednesday was a little bit hard to be grateful about. When your car overheats on the way to work and let's you set and you get to work half an hour late it just kinda starts your day on the wrong foot! 

But I did get these! 

My sister stopped by at work with her kids and they gave me this awesome bouquet they had picked for me . . . Made me feel super special & super loved! 

And I got to eat this cream-cheesy chocolately bit of goodness. I was feeling a rather urgent & pressing need for chocolate! 

Thursday

I found this at the bottom of my purse as I was cleaning it out. -one of my kids club girls had given it to me on Tuesday, and it was an awesome little reminder of sweet Lindsay and the amazing amount of potential I see in her

Thursday evening was also pretty amazing as a rather special someone took time out of his crazy busy week to drive me to Baltimore to catch my early morning flight. But rather than just dropping me off and making it back home in time to get a decent amount of sleep himself we drove into the Inner Harbor area of Baltimore and got supper at a really cool restaurant where we could eat on the sidewalk . . . And as usual I got carried away with my company and forgot to take pics, but suffice it to say it was pretty incredible!! 

Friday morning! 

4 o'clock a.m. couldn't even dampen my enthusiasm! 

I was in an airport again!! 8 months since I've been on a plane . . . Way to long by anybody's standards ! And no, I technically didn't need my passport since it was a domestic flight but I just had to make it feel 'official'! 

It was an awesome trip and what made it even cooler was the awesome ladies waiting on the other end. 

I flew out to MT to visit my cousin who got married and was dragged halfway across the states by her man. Also visiting her was a friend from Liberia, who was home on furlough. Let's just say the plans for this trip were about a y ar in the making and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. 

People are by far the best reminders of God's love for me personally and we've been living it up and making the most of our time. 

Coffee shop chats and beautiful MT scenery and book discussions and all sorts of loveliness. I'm feeling very full and running over. Here are just a few snapshots from Friday & also Saturday, which we spent in Glacier Nat. Park. 

I may or may not be falling slowly in love with this big sky country . . .

Wild Goose Island, although I failed to see any geese! 

Beauty on the small scale . . . 

No bears but we did get to see this mountain goat with her baby . . . 

Nothing like having a picnic on the riverbank where the scenery overshadows your desire for food . . . And yes, the water was COLD! 

Biggest dandelion 'wish-makers' I've ever seen, we had to give them a shot! And getting a day of fun in with this lady before she flies back to Africa for a very long time was pretty much awesomeness! 

Authentic western restaurant where the only 'buffalo' item on their menu was the bison burger-so you try it out just so you can officially say, 'I have eaten buffalo!' 

 

And now a lovely Sunday afternoon of quiet time (although completely unintentional, long story short I slept through time to leave for church😬) and so I finally got to catch up my blog which has kinda been bugging me! 

So that's my week, it was also full of some slightly stressful moments, harried moments, wondering if I would get everything done before I left. Uptight moments, wondering if I would be put on standby for my flight. Some rather bad news about my car, which may be giving up the ghost. But I have been amazed, when I look back over the week. Intentionally deciding that I WOULD find good in each day opened my eyes and made me look deeper . . . Yes, there is good. Find it y'all! 

Till next time . . . 

Mel

Intentional Gratefuleness. . . .(re-post from many moons ago)

This is a post I wrote a month or two ago that never got posted due to bad internet and general procrastination. But a few things have come across my path in the last week or two and I've realized, I really do miss writing. Not making any one-post-a-week promises here but just allowing myself to be honest and open again. I may let you in on a few of the things that rekindled the desire to write. A few awesome blogposts from others, as well as good books. 

But for now this is still very true . . . Intentional gratefulness is still a struggle for me. 

I just came to a startling realization this past week . . . Living intentionally takes work!! Newsflash, I know!! 

I woke up to find myself drowning in the rat race. This past weekend was one of the best weekends I've had in a long time! Why? Because I stayed at home!! And I got to go out for breakfast with my awesome boyfriend, well . . . extended breakfast/lunch but who's keeping track! And catch up. Yes, I know we work in the same office but it's just not the same. Take my word for it! 

And after that I spent the day helping my family work on the new house we're putting up for Mom. Not exactly fun work, sealing the basement walls with pitch, but it was just great to really get out and work for one, and being able to do it

as a family made it all the 'funner'. I realized how spoiled I am with the siblings I have. ( (Although every now & then I wonder!!)  And in the midst of all this I just slowly started to realize that I am a super blessed woman! (Since my nun status is in question these days I guess I'll have to come up with another word for myself!) And after I realized that, I realized how little I thank God for those things! Now, I would have said I'm a pretty thankful person in general. But I was for sure not being intentional about the specifics . . . So I'm gonna try something here. Every day I will take a few pictures of the things that God blesses me with. . . Or if I can't get a picture I'll just describe the moment. I will also be posting them on Instagram if any of you would like to head over there to see the little reminders of Gods love that He sends my way! 

This morning started with a walk to clear my head & kinda sort out all the thoughts that had been crashing around in my head over the weekend. And this is the sight that greeted me when I opened our front door.

Yeah, I was like, 'WOW!' 

But I must say, I was rather appalled at how quickly my brain returned to its default of running full steam ahead. Suddenly I was planning my day at work, and checking over my To-Do list for the week, and trying to figure out if I would need to write out my shopping list or if I would remember it. I literally almost missed this. 

 

She trotted beside the road for a bit before scurrying across & taking a leap for the fence. 

And I couldn't quite get a picture of the bird songs I was hearing but it was pretty amazing too! 

And no, my day didn't go perfectly peachy-keen after my ambitious start. Come on guys, what were you expecting?!? But isn't that the point? To keep living life with grateful intentions even when it's not all fun & games. And I Don't expect it will be any easier to get up the little bit earlier tomorrow morning to get my morning saunter in but that's where the discipline of intentionality comes in. Something that I'm not all that good at! 

Oh, and if anyone else feels inspired to be intentionally grateful in the next couple days I would love to see your pictures and hear about the little love notes that God is sending your way. 

But right now I'm going to be grateful for the fact that I have a lovely soft bed in a cool house that is not covered by water. And I plan to take advantage of that fact by making good use of that blessing! 

Goodnight and sweet dreams, 

Mel 

Awakening from hibernation . . .

Timidly she emerges from her long silence . . .

No, I have no excuse except that I was too busy trying to figure out what God was trying to do in my life to expound on it to the world.

That is not to say that by writing now I HAVE figured it all out! More like I am so overwhelmed by all that He has given me and done for me I feel it would be a shame to not share it. Yes, my heart is full. And it sure beats sitting around pitying myself.

See, yesterday morning (a lifetime ago) I said good-bye to this amazing group of people whom God used to change my life. And I still get teary-eyed when I try to tell my family about them.

Let me back up.The story starts last summer when I made the decision not to continue teaching at CICS. As I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life I remembered that SMBI had long been on my to-do-sometime list. It seemed like a good time to do it. A time of rejuvenation and re-focusing. Besides, may as well take advantage of my "missionary" discount while it's still valid, right? So I signed up for 4th term & tour. Only to get an e-mail a couple weeks later saying I was in for 2nd term. Due to a previous registration I had been entered for 2nd term instead of 4th, which meant that I was on the bottom of the stack for 4th term. No. 20 something on the waiting list if I remember right. I struggled. Was it not a good thing? I prayed. "God, I NEED this time." Then eventually I gave it up. I decided if God really wants me to go He will move the mountains, or stacks of paperwork in this case.

Christmas time came and went and no word from SMBI. Then January happened and in the midst of my waiting, someone else decided they were done waiting and I was asked the question that all girls hope to hear. Well, most normal girls anyhow. I had pretty much written a relationship off for the time being. It just wasn't something I wanted to focus on. (In fact I told my aunt at Christmas time that if any guy asks me out in the next six months I would probably slap him up 'long side the head.) But I guess God was getting a real chuckle out of my rash words and decided now would be a good time to teach me a lesson about watching what I say. Keith is a great guy from my home youth group. And in the midst of seeking God's will in the situation God answered my other request. I must confess I cried when I read the e-mail saying I was accepted for 4th term at SMBI. It was like God was saying, "Mel, Of course I want you to go. I care about what you want too." So I started preparing for term. And freaking out! What was I doing? I didn't want to go hang out with that many weirdos!! I didn't have anything to give relationshipwise at the time being. I just wanted to go and be a hermit amidst the mass and focus on what God was trying to teach me for my life. And that's the attitude I went to term with. (And btw, I did say 'yes,' to Keith, since he was OK with me being gone for 9 weeks)

So I showed up at term, luggage in tow, heart firmly padlocked.

But not firmly enough. God had some pretty persuasive people there. Two out-of-this-world dean of women, outstanding teachers, and an amazing choir director, and they all kept harping about relationships! I think it was about the second week of term I decided to give up. And I said, "Ok, God, what do you have me here to learn?" And He, faithful as always, showed me. Whether it was through late-night conversations in girls dorm, supper table discussions, one-on-one walks, Christ in the Old Testament "discussions" (I could write a whole post about that class but you had to be there to experience it so I won't waste my breath) campfire times or simply solo time in a field under the stars, He taught me. A lot.

And the six weeks flew by altogether too fast. And before you could say, "epic!" I was on a plane headed to LA, California with about 50 other eager students, ready to sing our voices out and bless people or else die trying. But if I thought term taught me a lot about relationships then tour was the bootcamp. 50+ people in a bus, logging over 130 hours in said bus, while on minimal sleep. Good times are bound to happen!! And happen they did.

Someone asked me, after returning to SMBI what my favorite part of tour was. I looked at her rather blankly (which may have had something to do with running low on sleep) and was like, I have to pick a favorite part?!?

Well, if I did have to pick a favorite part it would be the people. The broken vessels who shared that bus, the diamonds that were being ground alongside me, (and probably the diamonds that I was grinding as well!)  I have never been with a group of people of that size who were so OK with not being OK.  We hurt together, we shared together, we cried together . . .and we got upset at each other . . . and annoyed . . .yeah, just plain sick of each other every now and then.  But we also laughed together. A lot! And we played together . . . Rook (a lot!) . . . Spot-it . . .Occupation . . . Fishbowl . . Hearts . . . Dice . . . And of course we sang. A lot! Somebody was asked by their host, "So, after y'all sing so much I bet you're just tired of using your voices and the bus it just really quiet." We all had a good laugh when we heard that. Not so!

I could go on for hours with memories and lessons learned. But I'll spare you, if you made it this far anyway.  It's like I told someone during those horrible good-byes Saturday morning. I feel as if God has given me this time, this tour, these people as a gift. And as much as I don't want to leave it and go back to the real world it would be like throwing that gift back in God's face. It would be a sin not to take what I learned and live it out in real time. Much as I don't want to . . . as much as I'm tempted to crawl back into myself and focus only on my life. I can't. Because of His Gift, His Amazing Love, I now need to give Him my life, my relationships, my all. And be intentional.

And to any of you 4th termers reading this . . . when I think about all of us scattered all over the continent, world actually. I just get so excited! I see all these little "hot spots" where each of us can take what we learned/experienced and start the fire. Because He has given His angels charge over us and we can fearlessly live out His calling, with intention, wherever He has placed us.

Nevermind, I want a reunion. Like now!!!! I miss you guys.

Just because we're awesome!!

How am I?!?

I was rather embarrassed recently when a friend of mine asked if I planned to keep up with my blog since I'm back in the states. I told her that yes, I was planning on keeping it up but somehow I just hadn't found the "ganas" to write yet. For those of you who do not have the fortune of knowing Spanish, "ganas" is a fantastic word that has no good translation to English. As close as I can get, would be, "desire" or "oomph!" 

The thing is, how can you tell people how you're doing, give an update, when you yourself don't know quite how you're doing?

You know how shock works. People can cut their finger off and sit there and look at it, maybe even snap a picture of it and upload it to Facebook before the pain ever hits. (Can't actually say this from personal experience, but I've been told . . . ) That's more or less how I'm feeling. 

Numb. 

Like I didn't throw myself on my bed and cry myself to sleep over all my kids that I wouldn't see for a very long time. But neither did I feel excited and overjoyed to be with my friends and family that I hadn't seen for a very long time. 

Emotionally dead is not a fun way to be feeling. 

But as with any major injury, eventual feeling starts to return. The throbbing of the injury and confirmation that it is not your whole body that was maimed. The pain over what was lost and the comfort of knowing that not all is lost. 

It comes slowly. The feeling of being alive. 

The rush of cold wind bringing tears to my eyes, tearing up the road in the four-wheeler.

The music of a John Deere tractor in my ears, watching the rich brown earth rolling under the disk. 

The smell of damp earth and smoke from the wood fire, tickling my nose in the silence of the deer blind.

The awe felt while watching a full moon glide up over the horizon, and then watching it set in the cold haze of an autumn dawn. 

Catching up for nine months of missed playtime with the niece and nephews

The feeling of pride, watching my (little) brother walk down the aisle-seeing the man he has become. (No, he wasn't walking down the aisle with this one, but these two just looked too cute to not snap the pic) 

Of course, when the heart is opened to the good feelings the hard feelings also come in. The ache in my stomach for some good tortillas with fresh cheese and guacamole! The boringness of doing dishes alone, no splashing by Miguel and no towel wars with Elmer. The almost unquenchable itch to sign the praise songs we sing in church. (I may just one of these days, people wouldn't look at me funny or anything right?!)  The bone-deep desire to give a great big hug to my kids and ask them how their lives have been. 

And the questions, asking God-Where do I go from here? What's the plan? Is there a plan? I don't think this is gonna work. 

So . . . How am I doing? I'm doing good! It's great to be home again!

Photos and such

Does anybody have a cure for when you're laying in bed and even though you're dead tired you can't sleep? Because your to-do list is getting organized and analyzed in your head and you're trying to figure out a time-table for the next day so that everything fits in somehow. 

I thought maybe getting one thing checked off that to-do list would help. Therefore please excuse any random ramblingness & grammar mistakes. 

The thing is, I've been taking more pics the last few days, weeks as I feel my time slipping away and I want so badly to preserve it. But they're not really about one specific thing,must a lot of fun everydayness. So we'll try to avoid grammar mistakes and stick to a few pictures that I've been wanting to share with y'all. 

Lovely break from an afternoon of sewing (me n Teresa were sewing anyway, not sure what's boys were up too) with "minutas" a snow cone type of deal, sold by a guy on a lovely bike get-up. 

 Alverda Weaver and her brother were here to visit Samuel for a few weeks. Alverda brought jazz along to make home-made Chapstick. So we hauled the microwave out to my classroom and made Chapstick!

Throwback Thursday! Actually, can't remember what day of the week this was, but I wanted to do a photo re-create with Silvia from back in the day when she did her hair like this. Surprisingly, she was all for it! And then she wanted to keep it like that! If she wants to have a fur scarf on her neck all day in 90* weather who am I to tell her no! 

Elmer decided to stop by for sewing classes. Let's just say I'll stick to working with Teresa! 

Who, by the way, has been doing amazing! This week she helped with her first order of purses and really blew me away! We are now finished with all the purse orders that We needed to finish up before the end of the year! A GREAT feeling, to say the least, even tough Teresa was less than thrilled for the pic. 

Miguel also stops by occasionally. His favorite is ripping stuff out with a seam ripper. I have been amazed at how patient he is with it, although I still don't quite trust him with anything too valuable! An added bonus is that this particular piece kept him occupied for almost half an hour. 

After which he got distracted by some visitors who had brought a rip stick. He was determined to learn but even with a lot of help and encouragement he only got about as far as I have ever got. 

Studying outside for something different. Words are definitely easier to learn outside with all the distractions around! 

A new toy has been found in an old wagon that recently got new tires as a gift from Samuel's dad. Amazing how many can fit on it! 

And then someone had the idea to hook it up to the lawn mower!

None of my girls have birthdays in the school year so I decided to have one big birthday party for them all together. I had it planned about 4 days too late to include Silvia, which was really hard on me. I decided to invite Teresa as well since she is the only other girl in school. 

Of course a party means . . . selfies! 

Teresa educating Eduardo with a fabulous book called "The Paper Bag Princess." If you should be so lucky as to see me sometime in the near future, the video of the story is quite fabulous! 

As for this week, the kids are super excited about having Friday off. Well, the teachers might also be just a little bit happy about that! We are planning our annual staff weekend/outing for this weekend. So we will be leaving Friday morning and coming back sometime Saturday evening. We are heading to a town a few kilometers from El Pital, which is the highest mountain in El Salvador, and straddles the border between El Salvador & Honduras. Something in me really wants to climb that mountain before I head back to the states. We'll have to see what I can do about that. 

Well, this post was a little bit successful. My eyes are now quite a bit more grainy and I feel quite a bit more droopy. So until later, good-night. 

Letting go??

I don't feel like I'm ready to talk about what happened this week. But to be fair to those of you who have been following Silvia's journey, praying with me, it's only fair that you be updated. 

Silvia was sent home permanently Tuesday morning. 

It probably sounds very sudden and all, but the truth of the matter is, she was riding the fence for the last week or two. Talking didn't do a whole lot of good. She knew who she was "listening" to, but couldn't seem to break the bonds that had formed from 14 years of letting her human nature control her. I do still believe her conversion was real, she just hadn't quite gotten the "daily renewing" part yet.  

But the fact that she has walked out of my life, without a good-bye, is still just a little bit too much for me. I have trouble believing that she will be able to continue to listen to the still small voice of God in the tornado that is her life. That becoming a Christian, for her, was something that happened at CICS and would therefore stay at CICS. And I wanted to talk to her one last time and let her know that was not the case and that just because she was not a part of my daily life anymore didn't mean I was going to forget about her and stop praying for her. But I didn't get that chance. And that hurts. But I trust God has a bigger plan for Silvia in this and I will keep clinging to that. He is not limited to our ideas of what will or will not work. (Pat answers that sound good but are REALLY hard to believe right now) 

Please keep praying for Silvia and her mom. She has a hard time finding work to support the two of them if she has to try to corral Silvia and work at the same time. She seemed quite discouraged the last time I talked to her. And pray for me too, that I can put Silvia in His hands and leave her there. 

The last month . . . .

" . . . to bring my heart to every day, and run the risk of fearlessly loving without running away."

This is a line from a song that grabbed me by the throat this week. (Jason Gray, Without Running Away, for those of you that were wondering.) the challenge to actually bring my heart to every day, rather than just wake up and go through the motions is a constant struggle for me. Especially when we get to this part of the year where one is tempted to just throw up the hands and say, "forget it!" It doesn't matter anyway, there's only one month of school left." When the deadlines are looming and it feels like it will be impossible to finish every thing up. 

Yes, somehow, unbelievably we have landed at this place. Technically it's less than a month. 29 days to be exact, until I will be heading to the Monseñor Romero Airport, and saying good-bye to El Salvador for a good little while. I won't say "for forever" because I will definitely be visiting again. But leaving this time will be a little bit different, ok, a lot different, because I don't have a return ticket. I won't focus on it any more than that for now because it practically gives me the heebie-jeebies to think about it. I would rather focus on squeezing the pleasure out of each moment that I have left. Even the moments that I feel like whopping my kids over the head. 

It seems they have caught the "end-of-year-it-don't-matter" bug. Eduardo has become a pro at shrugging his shoulders and saying, "I don't know." So we will continue to try to interest him. The other day, he got quite animated over which soccer team I like, Real Madrid or Barcelona, super big deal! So I do know there are things that interest him. Just how to help him see that the things that don't interest him as much as football (soccer, whatever) or practicing his trick riding skills are still important? Silvia continues to ride the line, seeing how far she can go before she gets in serious trouble. Not a fun situation to be in! And to know how to counsel her when she deliberately chooses to do wrong, knowing that she is choosing to obey Satan and it doesn't seem to matter to her. Paola, continues to work along steadily, math and learning words don't seem to be too overwhelming for her, until she gets caught in a giggle fit, which I still have to figure out how it is triggered although sometimes I'm not sure I want to know how her brain works! Beatriz also continues to plug along withou too many problems, she's been asking some hard questions lately. Like, "How long do your sleeves have to be to be a Chrisitan . . . Etc" Whoah! What!?!  I told her I would take one Wednesday morning girls devotion to explain what is required of Christians and what the Bible says about how we should dress. A little bit intimidating since what they have always been told is that cape dresses and veils are Christian. But I do not believe that is the case, but neither did I want to teach them that they can do whatever they want, "as long as their heart is right." I pray God can use whatever I said whether I went about it all wrong and use it to further strengthen their relationship with Him. 

Their questions and the conversations we can get caught up in, never cease to amaze me! How we got from discussing the differences between plants and animals to whether or not vampires are real is still a mystery to me, but what is school for if not to get answers to your questions? So to me it didn't really matter whether or not we finished the science lesson for the day, since they were asking questions about things that truly perplexed them. The other question that blew me for a loop was when Elmer told/asked me whether or not it was actually the little horses that made rainbows appear in the sky. Somehow, they seem to have a hard time dividing the real from the imaginary, especially when they've seen it on TV. 

Along with the busyness that come with wrapping up school and trying to pack up the last three years of your life, well, I haven't actually started that, but the thought is enough to make me want to run far away, we are starting to practice for our year-end drama. (Naaman, the leper) I also am still having sewing classes with Teresa two afternoons a week so that kinda takes up a good chunk of my time. She has finished two dresses, so this next week I'm hoping she will be able to get started helping me on an order of purses that I have to finish before the end of the year. 

Sometimes I have to wander about the ideas I get, and why I think they have to be done. But I think I'll be glad that I stuck through with this last-minute project that I started. It hit me the other day that is is the tenth anniversary of the school being started. And nothing was really being done about it. I have always loved the idea of re-creating photos from long ago, but my brothers always refuse to cooperate for me, so I thought maybe the kids would be a little bit more accomodating. So I rustled up some old pictures, some real beauties from back even in 2005, the first year we had school here. Let's just say, things have definitely changed. Not the least being the kids themselves. 

Here are a few samples of what I've done so far. Hopefully more to come soon!

Mauricio & Clifton-present and 2011. Even 4 years can make quite the difference. 

Carlos & José, present and 2010, where will they be in 5 more years? We can only pray!!

one of the biggest "differences" I've done so far. 2007-2015  Elmer, Louis, Elmer Santos, Alfredo and Mauricio with some friends from Belize.  I didn't quite see it as necessary to try to bring the friends fro Belize just for a photo shoot! I've got so many more fun photos I want to do, we'll have to see how time holds out. 

In the last week we also took class pics and celebrated Children's Day. But those pics might have to wait for another post. Until then, remember to live life with your whole heart even if it feels like it will kill you.