Changes . . . .

Just a warning, I decided to be completely honest in this update. If you don't feel like wading through the ramblings of a rather drained nun please stop now! To say the least it was a rather emotional week. Seeing my cousin/sister with her life packed in boxes, knowing that life will never be the same. Seeing her mom, dad, siblings dealing with the fact that this is not a year or two of service in another country, no, this is a completely new life that she has chosen. Her future is in Montana. 

Please don't get me wrong, I am so happy for Gloria and Allen. He makes her happy, I can see it plainly on her face. I was just faced, ok, more like hit over the head, with the reality that life involves changes. 

Ok, I'm 24 years old. I know life involves changes. But somehow, I wanted life to be all about the changes that I decided to make. Just the ones that I had control over. I didn't want other people making decisions in their lives that affected me, but that I had no control over. 

I wanted to be able to move back to the states after I am finished in El Salvador and still be able to make the trips I made as a 10 year-old. Those lovely weeks in the summer when we out-of-states cousins would all troop to Ohio and spend the week with Grandpas and the Ohio cousins, making hay, making a mess of Grandpas yard with our water slide, helping the aunts clean out their closets and terrorizing the boys with our dressing up shenanigans, damming up the creek and slathering ourselves from head to toe with mud before we ever knew it was a high end spa treatment.

I wanted to be able to relive those blissful years of 18-21, when we were just independent enough to think we knew it all and thought we actually knew how the world worked and it was blissful, spur-of-the-moment pontoon trips, just because we were all in Ohio anyway, and late night talks on Mark & Reeny's front porch, discussing the worlds problems because we had enough wisdom to figure them out. 

I wanted to be able to move back to West Virginia and fit right back into the niche that I vacated 3 years ago, in the church and the youth and the community. 

But this week/weekend in a series of "enlightening" moments my wishful fairytale thinking evaporated into thin air, the vapor that I had used to construct my imaginary castles. 

As a dear lady, who is a returned missionary as of a year ago, very succinctly told me, "They just don't leave space for you." 

And it's true, life in the states moves on even when I'm not there. Newsflash Mel! And that's exactly how it should be. Thinking other people's lives should wait for me just so I can be comfortable and not go through the growing pains of change. How despicable and selfish is that?! 

But it doesn't make the changes any easier . . . It doesn't make me not want to go back to that innocent 10 year-old me, fishing in grandpa's pond or even the 18 year-old me who knew how the world operated. 

Maybe innocence is bliss after all. 

So now I'm sitting in a corner of the International Airport of Houston, listening to songs that are making me cry and trying to convince myself that I am ready to go back to my kids and pour my heart into them again. Because I know that's the only option I have right now. That the best way to forget about your own stress/worries is to pour yourself into others. 

But right now, the thought just makes me tired. 

I wanna dedicate this post ( I don't know, do people do that?!) to Violet, for all the tears we shared over the weekend, and to CJ, thanks for that much-needed four-wheeler ride Sunday afternoon. Having your life flash before your eyes tends to make you forget about some of the lesser stresses! I'm praying for both of you guys as you continue wading through the changes. 

And yes, I will try to get an update out about my great 12 hours in Panama but right now, I'm thinking a nap might be more beneficial to my emotional outlook on life! But you can't say I didn't warn you!!

Upcoming adventures!!

So there is about 20 dozen things I should be doing right now, before sitting down to update. But when the maintenance man wakes you up at 6 on a Saturday morning, well, I just decided to take advantage of the extra hour rather than try to keep on sleeping. So consider yourselves lucky that there is a water leak somewhere in the wall back in the guys dorm, and that Nata chose today to get it fixed. Because if I wouldn't have gotten woken up early this post probably wouldn't be happening. 

I was recently told that I started out good on my blog, nice frequent posts and all, but it seems to have kinda petered out.

Well, yes, sadly that is kinda what happens for me when life gets busy.  It's not like life here isn't interesting. Far from it! Put 8 people, who like to call themselves adults, but who all have a very childish tendency to be a little bit loco at times, in a house and make them live together 24/7. Then give them 12 kids to teach and be responsible for! Yes, we like to keep life interesting. 

And then God gives us special gifts. Paola is one of my students that I have been watching very closely this year. It was clear to me there was a major struggle going on inside her tender heart. I knew God was talking to her, but like someone else I know quite well, she was sure she could do this on her own. And she kept trying. And my heart kept hurting for her. But Tuesday, the minute she arrived at school she told me she wanted to talk to me. And she confessed that she had not been honest with me. And she told me that she wants to pray and ask Jesus to "clean her heart." (Sometimes sign language just says it so much better.) So we prayed together. And I cried. And she looked at me funny, because she was smiling. And I felt so humbled. What do I know about discipling a child? Because the first step that Paola took is important and we are always emotional when a child takes that step, but what happens afterward is the whole story. The Decision is only the step out the front door to begin a journey that will last a lifetime. Pray for Paola, she has no one in her life, besides us here at school, who will help her or who will even appreciate the decision she made. Pray for me. I need wisdom! 

So if you read my last post you saw a little bit of what's been keeping me busy. And the reason for the deadline!?! Forget if I mentioned that or not. . . That would only be a visit to the states to see my newest nephew! Oh, and the rest of my family too! :) and to get my cousin married to the guy she says has claimed her heart, and hopefully a chance to catch up with a few other dear peeps who I have been apart from for too long. And that is all super awesome and all. But even cooler ( if you are one of the persons who I will see, please don't get mad. You would say the same thing!) is I get to check another country off my checklist on the way home. 

A 16 hr layover is not normally not something to get excited about, but when the layover is in Panama City and you have never been to Panama, much less the capital city, then yes, it is a reason to get a little excited. Yup! How cool is that! Cheapest ticket includes a chance to visit a new country, it's like getting paid to travel! And yes, part of the excitement is because I get to do it all by myself. Taxi from the airport, find a hotel, (just kidding mom, I have one reserved!) I know, all old hat to some people, but I've never done it, so I'm just gonna go ahead and be excited about it!

So here's to another stamp in the passport, another ventire out of my comfort zone,  another chance to try new things, another adventure!

Starting in about 3 hours, maybe now I should get started on my to-do list for the morning. 

The joys of being kept busy . . . .

So I thought maybe I could offer a bit of an explanation rather than just saying that I've been a bit busy lately! 

Besides the normal joys of keeping all my kids in line at school and trying to make sure they are actually learning something, I've also been kept on my toes trying to finish the orders for Threads of Purpose that I hope to be able to take with me back to the states in about 3 weeks. (Happy dance at the thought!) but to keep myself from getting to caught up in the thought of my mini vacation in the middle of the school year I guess God thought I needed something to keep me busy. So He blessed us with an over-abundance of purses to work on! As of the last count I believe we (meaning Mary and I) have completed 42 purses since the beginning of April, an average of about 5 purses per week, which doesn't seem like just to much until you consider that this is a 'spare-time' project! :) Also add in there the fact that we each spend two afternoons a week teaching two of the deaf girls how to sew. Which means that at least one sewing machine and one "sew-er" are occupied. Which wouldn't be a big deal since we have another sewing machine for the remaining "sew-er" to work on. Or we did have another sewing machine until last week when our old faithful decided to make life interesting for us and go on the blink. So now we are down to three weeks and eight purses and one dress to finish. (My trip to the states involves a wedding which involves the need for a new dress.) And two of those three weeks will also be full of company as Samuel's family will be coming to visit as well as Wesley, former teacher here. 

I'm ever so thankful for Mary's help as well as the other girls, chipping in on the weekends. Or even just keeping us company while we sew, keeping us hydrated with cold drinks. You name it! Not to mention everybody being super understanding when weekends involve me and Mary being shut up in our sewing "cueva" (cave) 

Here's a few pics to give you an idea of what goes on. 

Miguel being super helpful while ironing. Might have had something to do with the fact that I promised to jump on the trampoline with him after I finished! :) 

Like I said, lots of company to keep me entertained! Tiffany wanted to try her hand at cutting out some purses. 

Beatriz is trying to decide if she actually likes sewing or not!

Miguel trying his hand at ripping out seams. His method is to work at it for awhile then just chop a bit off with scissors and call that section done!

Break from sewing class to snuggle a bunny that Miguel rescued from the weed-eater. Any excuse works ya know!

The kind of "locuras" that come as a result of spending to much time bent over a sewing machine. I'm learning the after-effects can be quite dangerous!

But having 40 purses ready to go on the dead-line makes it worthwhile! 

I did "cheat" and took two weekends off while this girl was here. Lovely weekends of lots of relaxation and sleeping in! :) 

And now I have two weeks to finish half a dozen more purses and one dress and then I shall be off for a whole WEEK of vacation. *Blissful Sigh*