But thank God, that is not yet.
Tuesday of last week there was a meeting, Nata & Becky, 3 board members and one scared little nun. I went into the meeting honestly not having the slightest clue what the verdict was going to be. We were or course, discussing the fate of Silvia. And whether she had crossed the last line or if we could give her another chance.
Two hours later, after much discussion and many options and many lessons learned by the nun in how to make meetings last longer than necessary, the verdict was agreed upon by all.
To say the truth, I was scared of either verdict. I was scared we would say, "no more chances." And I would feel, very muchly, that I had failed in one of the things that is closest to Jesus' heart, the precious souls of His children. But I was also scared that we would say, "sure come on back to school." Because me being the selfish nun that I am, really liked the easy class I had when we were minus Silvia. But suddenly in the meeting when it seemed to me that things were starting to lean precariously close to the side of expelling Silvia for good, I knew what I really wanted the verdict to be. Maybe because I don't want it to be said, that I (we) gave up. Or maybe because my pride couldn't handle the thought that there was a student that had gotten the best of me. I just knew that saying there was no more hope for Silvia and that she didn't deserve another chance, felt so totally wrong. Exactly the opposite of what Jesus was wanting us to do. But thankfully (during the 2hrs) the tide shifted and it was clear that giving Silvia another chance was what we all wanted to do. The decision was unanimous. Silvia will be coming back to finish out the last two months of school.
I was relieved.
And I was scared.
And to be honest, still am a little bit.
The optimistic side of me says, "Surely two months of being expelled should now mean she can have at least two good months at school."
But the realistic side of me laughs and says, "Honey, this is Silvia we're talking about here."
The thing with Silvia is, you never know. She is a loving child, at least I like to think that is her true nature, but one can never tell what it is that will set her off. Or what will make her raise her defenses and shut off her brain. What triggers are causing her drastic reactions? I would give a lot to break through all language barriers and just see inside her brain, unhindered, for a few minutes.
But I haven't been given that gift. So I will work with what I have. Which I happen to know includes a lot of prayer support.
I have no clue how Silvia will show up tomorrow morning. Relieved to be back at school and with her friends, willing to be a cooperative part of the team here. Or stressed from the changes in schedule that resulted from her expulsion and looking for a safe place to vent her frustration, which is usually in my classroom or maybe the playground or maybe the kitchen or the laundry room while doing her afternoon chores. Like I said, one can never tell!
So I am pleading with you not to forget Silvia in your prayers. Pray that her time being expelled caused her to stop and think. Pray for a change of heart. She knows that she is not right with God and that she is the only one who can change that. And that she has to WANT to change, we can't do it for her. She just doesn't want to give up yet.
And pray for me too. Wisdom, patience, true love, strength . . . The list could go on for awhile.
And if I survive I will keep you updated, and maybe I will even be able to tell about my first visitors of the year. The first that were EXCLUSIVELY mine. And about the visitor I'm expecting and other cool stuff happening but as of right now, bed feels a little bit more important.
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