The sudden - unexpected changes . . .

Tomorrow morning I have to tell Beatriz, one of my students, that she will be going home for her grandpa's funeral. 

And I'm sitting here trying to think how I'm supposed to word it. To break it to her gently as we always say. 

And there just is no right way, no easy way. For sure no gentle way. 

And I'm also trying to think how to rearrange the week. To make sure she won't have to miss out on any of the fun stuff we had planned for this week. It's the last week before vacation. We had an ice cream party planned to celebrate reaching our goal of 300 flash cards. We have the spelling bee on Friday, that Beatriz had a very good chance of winning. 

And we want to go to the funeral, but there's the other kids to think about, there's visitors to pick up from the airport, there's appointments with the immigration office to get some very much-needed residency cards. Lots of interrupted plans. 

And it made me remember our interrupted plans for a family Christmas 6 years ago. Instead of having a cozy family get-together in our living room, we were standing under a tent in a freezing cold cemetery, burying our dad & husband. 

The truth is there is never a good time for death. That's probably why God decided not to let us plan it. It would never suit us! 

I remember what someone told me and my sister when they were passing through the receiving line at the viewing, "As you get older this just keeps happening more and more, this is just the start." 

Oh, wow! Just what we needed to hear! 

But it is rather true. Death is inevitable. There is no avoiding that sudden jarring thud you feel when you hear the news. Even if you didn't know the person. And in a way, I'm glad. I don't want to get to the place where I can hear the news that someone died and feel no sadness and no sympathy for the family. Because it also brings along with it the reminder that this is not our home. We belong in a body that can praise Jesus eternally. 

But until then we deal with these sudden, unexpected changes that remind us to live every minute as if it were our last. 

"If the last thing you did, was the last thing you do,

If the last word you said, was the last breath you drew,

Would you be ok, with the way they remember you,

If the last thing you did, was the last thing you do?" 

                      -High Valley, If The Last Thing You Did

Pray for Beatriz and her family this week. Especially pray that her father would not turn to drinking again. 

Until next time, 

Mel 

Sunday afternoon catch-up. . . .

It's a bad thing when your day of rest has a to-do list. Normally mine includes a nap, at least reading or something equally relaxing, but I was afraid a Sunday afternoon nap would only result in that nasty feeling of waking up and trying to figure out what year you're in. That always makes me grouchy, so I decided to spare everybody that I live with the drama and instead catch ya'll up on what's happening on my side of the world.

First of all, Nata, Becky, and their family took a trip to Mexico to help out with the annual Deaf camp. Last year was the first year they went and they were asked to contribute again this year. It involves about 10 days of traveling and 8 days of camp. They usually take a few days to enjoy the mini vacation with their family. They plan to return sometime in the second week of August. While they are gone they asked Enrique & Laura Vasquez from Costa Rica to come be "jefe." Enrique is a brother to Paty, who is a teacher here, and Laura is a sister to Lidia, the cook. So they are both enjoying having family around, not to mention a darling nephew, Eric, whom we have all adopted for the time that they are here. Elmer especially dotes on him, to the point that Veronica chewed him out the other day because the cows were out of water. She blamed it on the fact that Elmer was just playing with Eric instead of doing his work!

Us girls took our annual Gals Trip last weekend. We stayed a little closer to home this time. We headed to Lake Suchitlan, about 45 min. from Aguilares. It was a great time of relaxing and enjoying some sunshine & shopping & girl time & eating, of course. Our hotel had an amazing flat roof and we spent most of Friday evening enjoying the cool lake breezes and aerial view of the central park. Sadly, there was no circus going on so we couldn't have a Ferris Wheel ride!

View of the cathedral from our hotel roof

Zulma & Mary
Zulma is a deaf girl who graduated from school and lives with her grandparents. Right now her grandparents are visiting the states, since Zulma had no one to stay with she has been staying here at CICS.

Paty & Verónica
Paty is a teacher and Verónica is the dorm mom.

We find great ways to entertain ourselves!

I think my favorite thing about Suchitoto is the awesome colors on all the houses.

Getting ready to head out onto the lake. 

Me & Lidia
Lidia is the cook, and I am, well, me!

The CICS gals
(l-r)Zulma, Lidia, Mary, Verónica, me, Paty

Waiting patiently for our personal chauffeur to arrive! 

In other news, school days continue to fly by. July in our school year is about the equivalent of February in a U.S. school year. If that comparison didn't make sense to you, you're probably not a teacher. It's that time of year, when the excitement of a new school year has worn off, and new books are no longer new, and it's not just easy review stuff anymore, but actually hard math problems. But neither is it close enough to the end of the school year to start getting excited about all the end of year activities. In other words, a teacher's favorite time of year! 

Thankfully, we have a week of vacation to look forward to immediately after July, so that helps. 

My kids have really amazed me in the last weeks though. They have really seemed to dig in and put new efforts, including reaching new goals in their timed math drills, and some majorly improved scores on spelling tests. So, maybe they were bribed . . . just a little bit. Hey, it's a teacher's secret weapon, don't judge! 

But I think my favorite new event has been the questions they are starting to come up with. I love to see them using their own heads and thinking things through and not being afraid to ask about stuff that don't make sense rather than just nod and say, "I get it." 

Last Monday morning we spent the whole first period talking about different things their parents did or told them regarding Catholic traditions and worship. It totally took me by surprise, but it was a great chance to show them the errors in that way of thinking. 

A few of my other favorites have been,

 "How do whales have babies in the water?" 

"Do even whales feed their babies milk? How?"

 (We were having a science discussion about the different groups of animals)

"Do animals go to heaven?"

"But the elephant from the zoo that died went to heaven, right?"

"How does the water in all the oceans stay on the world if it's round?"

It does my heart good to actually be able to have them join in the discussion and get involved and get excited about learning. 

Here are a few pictures from the normal everday.

Miguel wins in the "Cool Sock Contest" purple with pink ribbons!

me with my gals, (before Silvia left)

Anthony concentrating on Pick-Up sticks while Jairo & Joel watch to make sure he doesn't jiggle any of the others. It's the new favorite game and they are quite sharp in catching when someone else wiggles one of the other sticks!

Eduardo, Miguel & Mauricio work on a puzzle.

This coming week, will be focused on last-minute studying for the Spelling competition on Friday. And then we will send all the kids home and enjoy a week of vacation! I for one am very much looking forward to that! 

Well, I think I achieved my purpose here. Made it through my afternoon without being tempted to sleep! And got one thing knocked off my to-do list. :)

Now to find time to update my books page . . . . 

Until next time,

Mel

Just wanted to share this here too. I shared it on my Facebook page. God gave this to me on Friday, when the reality of what could happen with Silvia was hitting me. I had never heard this song. I thought it was another song by the same title and I love Tina's translations so I clicked on it. By the time it got to the chorus I was bawling. Every word of it felt so true for me. What is Silvia's story? What are Silvia's wounds that she can't express? How many times in the classroom did I feel like I literally needed help just to take the next breath and survive the next minute? Even if you don't understand sign language you can't help but feel the emotions that Tina puts into it.                                                                                                                                

Back to normal?!?

So after my long, morbid post written from Houston one would think that the ideal "recovery" week would be to have smooth sailing and kids behaving and plenty of early nights and so on.

Didn't happen!

I arrived back home around midnight Monday night. I decided I might as well jump right back in with both feet. I knew sleeping in could be slightly dangerous! So I told Mary, who had been substituting for me, to plan on me taking the class for Tuesday. Tuesday morning we headed out to school for a "catch-up" interview. Mostly about what the kids had gotten done and where they were ready to start from, but also any gossip that I may have missed out on in my week away! And that's when Mary told me that the opportunity for her to go to Mexico had opened up again and she had decided to take it. Long story short, last year Mary had been asked to teach at a school in Mexico and was planning to go, but was detained because of paperwork. The paperwork in question was a license for the school/orphanage in Mexico, something that they were warned could take years. Now a year later, the paperwork, hopefully, is fixed and so the school once again asked if she would be willing to come teach. I had known before I left that it was a possibility, but she hadn't made her decision yet. I'm super happy for her. This is something that she has wanted to do for a while, but with all the red tape involved she had given up any hope of going in the forseen future. Her acceptance and patience in waiting for God to manifest His plan for her has left me slack-jawed! But suddenly she's talking of leaving in two months! There is still a visa that needs to be obtained but this time around it should be fairly standard. I must say it's very tempting to pray for red tape to detain her till the end of the year! I've never known CICS without Mary. Even though she wasn't living on campus my first year here, she was still around a lot. And the last two years, to say the least, I'm not sure how I would have survived them without her! And very suddenly I realized that in all probability we will be finishing the year here without her. More changes! :)

And the kids, well, from the start of the week I was feeling a lot of tension from Silvia. I had kinda been expecting it. She deals with change about as well as I do, although hopefully I've learned to temper my reactions a bit more than she has! She wasn't very happy when I told my kids that I was going to be gone for a week, and when I came back she told me she had been worried about me not coming back. I reminded her that I had told her the dates that I would come back and I had made it back so she shouldn't be worried. That seemed to appease her for a little while but I still felt tension under the surface. Turns out Silvia has been having a lot of other things going on in her life, lots of changes and things that can confuse any child. Thursday the bomb exploded and Silvia was sent home.

It has happened before, 4 times to be exact. Every year that she has been here, except for the first. She has always come back after about a month or two, whatever Nata & Becky decide is long enough. This time, a return is being debated. For the moment we know it won't be before the middle of August, when Nata & Becky return from their trip to Mexico. In the meantime the committee that oversees matters of the school will decide if maybe we have helped Silvia to the best of our abilities, and whether there may be other options that are better for her. In other words, she may not come back to school for this year.

How to put into words the hope that one can have for a child? To spend hours, days, weeks, months with them, correcting them, teaching them, living with them, loving them. To have cried tears of frustration and pain over them, as well as tears of love and forgiveness. To have prayed in frustration and anger and sorrow, hopelessness. And to finally let yourself feel a sliver, the smallest glimmer of hope. That maybe it wasn't all in vain. That maybe there is a chance that she will be able to truly open her heart and allow herself to feel love. I don't think I would have understood if someone would have tried to explain it to me. Not before I met Silvia, or I should say, not before I spent 2 1/2 years with her. I'm not good enough with words to try. I guess you'll just have to pray that God sends a Silvia your way if you want to experience it!

I can't lie. The months of July and August look significantly easier now. Anyone who has worked with a child like Silvia will understand that! I don't know if I've ever had more mixed emotions about something before. The thought that I may not see Silvia again this year . . . . doesn't bear thinking about. I haven't given up hope though, that she will be able to come back. That we can give her another chance. But neither do I want to be so obnoxious as to say that I believe we here at CICS are the only people who can help her. Who is to know the plan of God? As Becky put it in one of the initial talks that her, Nata & I had regarding the situation, "Maybe God is trying to get us to let go of Silvia because He has someone else who can help her more." But that's hard to say after investing 5 years into the life of a child. (Becky has, not me) And a selfish, proud part of me wants to say that this cannot be how it ends.

I wanted a success story. "Yes, after 5 years of many tears and prayers and much hard work we broke through and Silvia became a sweet healthy child, who loves her teachers and the authorities in her life and has apologized for all the heartaches she put them through." Actually I would have settled for something a lot less dramatic, like one whole year without being expelled! I wanted to at least be able to finish the year and say we didn't give up. Because to be honest, that's what it feels like to me if we say we can't take her back. That we are saying there is no hope for Silvia. But who knows what small particle of what we have taught her here will stick with her.

I know for a fact that her time here was not in vain. Maybe God's plan for Silvia is not that she becomes a poster child for CICS, maybe God's plan for Silvia was to be here at CICS to teach me.

Maybe I was the student and not the teacher.

If that is the case I want to keep learning. Please pray for Silvia. Pray for the board, that they would make the decision that reflects what will best fulfill the plan God has for Silvia's life. And pray for me that I would be willing to wait to see what plan that is.

For those of you who have never met Silvia, to give you an idea who you are praying for!

Panama adventures

First of all, since I started dedicating blog posts, this one goes to Mom. Turns out she probably got even less sleep than me in the hours I was in Panama. I'm pretty sure she's hoping that if I ever have kids that they will give me the same sleepless nights and white hairs. She told me when I got back that every few hours she would wake up and think of me in Panama and just start praying! 

So as I mentioned in an earlier post, the ticket I bought to fly home for my cousin's wedding involved a 16 hr layover in Panama City, Panama. Bumming in an airport from 5:30 p.m. till 9 the next morning was NOT my idea of a good way to spend my first time in a new country. So I did a little research and found a hotel in Casco Viejo which seemed to be a main tourist trap within reasonable distance from the airport, reserved myself a room and anxiously waited for my plane to get there. 

Let me tell you, it did not dissappoint! 

I will admit, I was a little nervous. I mean, I had researched it and everything seemed simple and safe, but you just never know. But leaving the airport was no problem. I was a little disappointed that I had to collect my checked luggage. I was kinda hoping I would be able to just send it straight through to Dulles. But I guess they thought I needed a little extra exercise and so I ended up hauling my 100 some pounds of luggage to the hotel with me. My biggest concern, finding a good taxi turned out to be one of the funniest things of the trip. I walked out of the arrivals doors and away from the crush of people trying to get my bearings a bit, I'm sure I didn't look disoriented at all! Barely had time to look around when I nearly ran into this ginormous black man. Pretty sure he had some kind of NBA history! "Taxi?" He asked me.

And all I could do was nod rather dumbly while trying to picture this giant of a man in a little yellow cab! Let me tell you, he wasn't fitting!

I asked him if they have taxis that go out of the city to Casco Viejo, he assured me they did and told me to follow him. Turns out Panama airport has a very sophisticated taxi system. There are only certain taxis that run from they airport and they all wait in a very nice orderly line. None of this shoving and yelling in your face and competing to get you into their cab. So my former basketball star very gallantly hauled half of my luggage and started striding out the door. And I gathered myself together and started trotting after him. He took me over to the taxi line where he lost a little bit of his gallantry when he started begging for trip like a little boy. Then I got a little confused because I wasn't sure if I was supposed to pay him the taxi fee or if that went to the driver. We had a good laugh over the generous tip that I was giving him, then my personal chauffeur got in and we were off! 

Thankfully, I got a talkative driver, or maybe he just didn't have a chance because I was asking so many questions! Either way I was able to get a lot of interesting little tidbits about Panama out of him. We took the "tourist" route through the city. The road that goes straight through the financial district. Amazing skyscrapers of offices and penthouse suites whose monthly rent is more than I make in a year! Lovely beachside restaurants, and parks with families enjoying the cool evening breezes.

Sadly, this was my only view of the canal/locks. From the air. I didn't have time to fit in an actual visit. The locks are in the upper left half of the pic. 

The financial district from the air. It's a little hard to capture the grandeur while speeding by in a cab. 

Some really impressive architecture . . . 

Found my hotel with no problem, the driver of course was super helpful with luggage and all and then I walked into this really cool old French colonial style mansion, restored into a hotel/hostel. Little Amish girls were definitely in a minority among the dreadlocked, guitar-playing, European backpackers who seemed to make up the majority of the guests. I had been tempted to simply get a bed in the hostel 

area, rather than forking out the cost of a private room. But I was glad I had, since I arrived feeling slightly bedraggled! Another plus came about when I was checking in. Turns out the room I had reserved was under renovations so I got upgraded (at no extra cost!) to a penthouse suite on the top floor with a balcony and really cool views. The downside. It was four flights up and there were no elevators! The desk clerk who was checking me in very gallantly offered to help me haul my bags up. Remember, 100 lbs. plus! I think he was regretting his offer about the second flight. I don't consider myself very strong, but I think I was almost in better shape than he was! Anyhow, we made it to the top eventually. 

And the room had A/C, and a hot shower, and a giant soft bed with mountains of pillows and I was sorely tempted to just take a nap then and there, but I knew if I wanted to get out for supper I'd better do it before dark. I may like trying new things but I'm not totally dumb!

I trooped out, stopping by the front desk to ask directions to a restaurant that I wanted to try. The guy was very helpful, giving me a map and all, but turns out he didn't know exactly where the restaurant was himself. Got to where he had said it would be and there was definitely no Fish Market. So I took a little trip around the block thinking it might be in a back alley. It was also a good excuse to look around the central square a bit more. Super awesome old style part of the city, with cobblestone streets, restaurants with sidewalk seating and cool old buildings. After not finding the restaurant, I stopped and asked a few ladies who were sweeping the sidewalk. They were very happy to help me. Calling over a boy that was working with them and telling him to show me where it was. So once again I was escorted by a tall black boy! Found the awesome little place. Basically a food trailer/concession stand set up permanently in the shell of an old building. White tents and paper lanterns and picnic tables and strings of white Christmas lights made for a super cute ambience. They didn't have a huge menu selection but I decided to try the fish tacos. Was a little tempted to try one of their wide selection of alcoholic drinks but decided I'd better not! 

The little side street that my hotel was on.

The Fish Market

Inside an old crumbling building, was way cool! 

By the time I finished supper it was getting darkish so I decided to amble back to my hotel. When I got back I double checked to make sure I had a taxi coming to pick me up the next morning. I had arranged it earlier. Turns out the hotel's normal driver was already booked elsewhere the next morning and for a minute I thought I was gonna have to flag a taxi down, which could have been interesting at 5:30 in the morning. But the front desk guy was super helpful and he called a taxi driver that he was friends with to see if he was available. He was, so I headed up to my room. I was looking forward to a nice long night of sleep but turns out that section of town seems to be party central. For sure on a Saturday night. I think I was hearing music and partying till about 3:00 in the morning. It didn't bother me too badly till I heard rather loud slurred voices on the balcony/hallway outside my room. Then the single deadbolt on the door felt a little flimsy! But the bed was super comfy and it felt amazing to sleep in a room that was cold enough to snuggle up in the covers a bit, so I did end up sleeping good for a few hours. 

5 o'clock came all too soon and I stumbled around getting everything ready to go and made two trips up and down the stairs to get all my luggage. Surprisingly, my taxi driver was waiting for me. Little more punctual than El Salvador maybe! He didn't seem to mind talking in the morning and so once more I found out lots of interesting facts. He was just a city cab driver so he was a lot more down to earth and took me the back route out of the city where I got to see the more realistic side of Panama City. 

All in all I decided that I will definitely need more time in Panama City. My hotel had a bunch of tourist brochures sitting by the front desk. The one that caught my eye was an offer for boat rides to Colombia. Maybe next time I can knock South America off my list too!

The view from my balcony

Had to take a selfie to at least prove that I was there! 

Landing stateside, I was finally able to catch up with Dar on the way home from the airport. 2 hours just wasn't enough, but it was better than nothing and we managed to fit Sweet Frog in so that was a nice bonus!

I was also able to finally hold my newest nephew, rather than just see pictures of him.

I managed to spend about a day and a half with my family before heading up to Ohio to help my cousin get ready for her wedding. Driving, my own car. . . Was . . . Blissful! 

I managed to get a lot of things checked off my list, saw a lot of people that I wanted to see, managed to do a little bit of Threads business, spent time with family . . . Sleeping in a lot, sadly didn't happen. Maybe I'll catch up some day. 

Btw, anyone who would like to accompany me when I travel to Panama "for real" let me know! :) 

And if you actually made it to the bottom of this post, high five to you!